if I were a medievil landmass

22 November, 2006

I once wrote an email something like this: “If I were a medievil landmass, writers would say that a great sadness lay across the land…”

It’s probably no surprise to you all that sometimes I get pretty darn miserable, you’ve all probably seen it, and you may well have been around at times when you believe it may have started. I sometimes think I know, and then I remember something from an earlier time, or some other counter-information. Sometimes I think I should talk to my parents, and ask “why did you do … back when …”, and sometimes I dont.

It doesn’t matter, really. The Whys Hows and Whens are in the past, and although I’m sure that some people would say that I need to find out where I’ve been to find out where I need to go, I’m not so sure. All I know is that I’d love to break the back of this habit – for now. Ask me again tomorrow, or next week, and I might be more accomodating of the warm reliability of low self-esteem, or whatever it is.

Anywho, I just came across this article in The Age, and was struck in particular by the following quote:

“There’s plenty of books out there on the subject, but this was the first one that actually said: ‘You know, you actually allow this to happen to you. Every time the black dog [depression, negative thoughts] comes into your head, you’ve let him in.'”

Yeah, it’s a bit of that whole “the lightbulb’s got to want to change” thing, isn’t it. But it does hold some merit. I am prone to wrapping myself up in that feeling, and being comfortable with it. It’s probably the one thing about me that most frustrates Mrs Gizo, and so it should be the highest priority thing to change.

And so, I try to change. Kick me, slap me, don’t placate me. I ask of you, keep me on the forward path. Eyes on the prize, and et-cetera.

Jeez, I should stop being so open, shouldn’t I? This will undoubtedly come and bite me on the bum later in life…

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20 Responses to “if I were a medievil landmass”

  1. vetti Says:

    Monday was horrible – I felt so grey and invisible that I would have cried with joy had anyone called or visited…but no-one did. However, its over and all’s ok. Power on Giz, I’ll kick you if you kick me.

  2. gizo Says:

    Let’s kick each other till we bleed happiness. Or something like that. Maybe until we bleed soft cheese and Rosé…

  3. vetti Says:

    its a deal!

  4. seebs Says:

    Maybe it’s a Gen X thing. A lot of my friends, myself included, go through similar lows.
    Mate, you’re a talented individual and a great friend. Probably the best qualities anyone would ever want…

  5. gruntski Says:

    *BITCHSLAP*

    There, ya git. You can return the favour next week. I am shitty (not depressed, mightily pissed off). I have to go to ring A Current Affair now. See ya later. PS. Don’t get your car serviced at Nissan dealers in Canberra. They will charge you $835 for a $220 service, and call it good. Pricks.

  6. gruntski Says:

    And lets talk about you, shall we? The man with the memory: I was and still am, in awe of your recollectionability (one word) and the fact that you have held a job for 9+years, even though you didn’t particularly like it much. If I got sick of a job (usually after three months) I’d tell them to stick it. I could (and did) always get another.

    What? You admire that quality? The “quality” that meant I didn’t bother to stick at anything cos there was always an easy way out (lets get a job as a used car salesman, shall we?), and friends and family to lean on? And didn’t have the balls to apply myself past the point were the entertainment wore out? I can’t rely on myself to do diddly squat. I can’t even stay off the smokes for more than four days.

    Home Owner. Proud and (to be determined) successful Father. Proud and successful husband. Talented musician, who gave it another shot after finding out that left handed was better. I’m jealous of you, and envy your life. You have everything you need, want and could wish for (except possibly to erase the memory I have of you and Mr Sweet the night than Brendan and I had to throw the two of you throught the shower after you vomited pasta into the bath).

    To quote the one of two essays in my short foray into university: “Depression is the psychological equivalent of the common cold…” One out of three males in our age group in Australia suffer from it. It is not unusual. We (anyone who has known you more than say…three and a half seconds) are here to put you in your place; where you belong.

    …. Happy, Proud and satisfied that what you have done so far with your life is “FUCKING GOOD!!!!”

    (I still owe you a bitchslap)

    There are many, many people who love you for you.

  7. bookboy Says:

    Coffee. A listening ear (2 if you’re lucky) or distraction. Anytime.
    I’m sure I speak for all of us.

    I suspect the “stupid-looking little book” with “cartoons and stuff” refered to in the article might be titled “I had a black dog: his name was Depression”. Apparently under a different title in the US http://www.amazon.com/Living-Black-Dog-Name-Depression/dp/0740757431/sr=8-1/qid=1164186918/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-8384618-7021603?ie=UTF8&s=books

    I wonder what this button does?

  8. Squozen Says:

    Nice comment, Grant! I was just going to tell Giz to stop being such a fat mopey bastard… but I think you did a lot better…

  9. gruntski Says:

    You could still tell him that, but I think (somehow) he already knows… 🙂

  10. vetti Says:

    gruntski, you rock! maybe you could bitchslap/bluntspeak your way to a successful new career ?

  11. gruntski Says:

    I’m still puzzling out Medi-evil… What is that? Some half assed attempt at being Satan? A mediocre attempt at Nastiness? Or someome called Kevorkian?

    I just don’t understand.

  12. bookboy Says:

    Aaaarrrggghhh.
    I has little pretend html tags in my comment that were meant to be funny and helped the last line make more sense but wordpress cut them out and now I have to write a long ungainly sentence to make up for it.

  13. vetti Says:

    gruntski – i imagine it as 5/10 on the evil-o-meter: your joe-average, not trying too hard, but still wanna-be-bad.either that, or satan’s had a big night, and is not upto much today…

  14. gizo Says:

    Wow, I was just thinking this was going to be a “you know, if you see me being miserable, tell me to stop it” kind of post, but you people have really run with this one. Thanks.
    Thanks Grunter for the reality check.
    Thanks Seeber for making nice words look like spam.
    and BookBoy – thanks for taking time out of your busy baby schedule to fiddle with html, I really appreciate it. I’ll take you up on that coffee offer one day, too….

  15. gruntski Says:

    Here to help, in an capacity I can. And since I have so much experience being a bastard, thought it only apt I offer my services.

    Maybe thats what Vetti means… I could get a job being a professional bastard? I know I’d be good at it.

    And Vetti, every night is a big night for satan. I should know, I trained him…..

  16. vetti Says:

    yeh Gruntski, what we need round here is a professional bastard, none of this amateur rubbish. the satan training could come in handy as well…

  17. gruntski Says:

    I could teach those bogans a thing or two, as well.

    “Nah, man, take the baffles out of the muffler, your bike will run heaaaaps better. Huh? Sure it will be twice as loud… You gotta make sacrifices, dude; where’s your sense of adventure?”

    “Monaro’s are built for line-lockers. Just keep your foot on the brake, and slam the accelerator to the floor. Don’t worry about wearing out your tyres, I’ll show you how you can take the wheels off another holden without using a jack, so you keep your tyres nice n’ new, and some dick will wake up with his car sitting on bricks…”

  18. gruntski Says:

    BTW, I never did the things listed above.

  19. vetti Says:

    yeh, you could do “bogan for dummies: a lifestyle manual”

  20. gruntski Says:

    I’ve finished it!!!

    Bogan Behaviour for Dummies, By Gruntski.

    Chapter one.

    The first thing you must remember about being a bogan, is that whats important to you is all that mattersss….

    Mate, pack me another c&^e, dude. I’ll do this later.


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