I’m really struggling with focus at the moment.
Not my eyes, don’t mention my eyes. General focus; focus on events, activities, projects. I’m having a noticable problem actually doing or acheiving anything. It’s a combination of things, really.
First of all; I’m tired. So very tired. I think our mattress is crap. It has two definate dents in it, with a rise in the middle (hopefully not indicitave of some larger problem). The uneveness of the surface is making it hard to get a good night’s rest.
Secondly; I’m worried. We’re due to have a baby next week. I’m sure my lovely wife is extremely worried about how that head is going to get out of that spot. I’m petrified at how well I’m going to be able to support her. I was almost sick when we cleaned up the wound on our old chook, Esther. How am I going to cope with 6-12 hours of labour?
Third; The dreaded beast called RSI has raised it’s hideous head again. I’ve developed a searing pain down my right arm. Into the fingers. Back up into the shoulder. It comes and it goes, but mostly it seems to come when I really don’t need it.
Third-point-one; The RSI seems to increase the sleeplessness issue.
Third-point-two; I’m worried about carrying a new baby, and having RSI. Will I be able to help my wife, and my baby without screaming out in pain?
Fourth; The whole employment thing. I’m not really enjoying this job anymore. I saw another job at the hospital, but it’s outside of my ability (extensive Linux, networking & security). I don’t really see much of a future here, and I have no faith in my contract being extended beyond January 7, 2007. We’re also looking at new lab systems, which will reduce the in-house IT support needs.
Fourth-point-one; Add to this the mixed messages I am getting from another company. They interviewed me last year, but couldn’t hire me at the time. Then they invited me back a few months ago just to ‘have a chat, and work out some salary details’. In that meeting I end up being interviewed by the CEO – I was totally unprepared, and almost pooped myself. Following that, I have been told “It looks like we’re going to hire you, has M*** contacted you yet?”. “No”. I’ve had that a couple of times. I’ve not chased it up, because I’ve been too preoccupied with preparing for the baby (or perhaps I’m just hiding behind those preparations)
The net result of all this is that I’m having trouble focussing on the required tasks here at work, and I end up spending half the day drifting from blog to blog, and probably doing more damage to my stupid arm.
Oh, and my MacBook goes into service tomorrow. So I’m without it’s elegance. And it’s dark before I get home. And I have to lock George in a box each night. Grrrrr